Violette483's blog

I`m NOT fan of Tokio Hotel.
I do NOT like Tokio Hotel.
I HATE Tokio Hotel.

Myśmy się chyba dobrze nie zrozumieli. I nie chyba tylko na pewno.

I don`t even try to describe what happened last week because it`s impossible.
I have dejavu it`s all I can say. I know my role I know how to play and I know very well how it feels.
After my "I hate Tokio Hotel" phase I can say that they are finally indifferent to me.
It was sth that happened last week that showed me finally that I don`t belong and I`ll never again belong to TH fandom. I recovered from Tokio Hotel completely. They don`t make me angry and happy. I feel nothing when looking at them. But I have another problem. Problem that repeats every few years. Every time I promise to myself to be good and to be like the reast of souls. Without being too much into the things that are not connected with me. Without wasting my time, energy and emotions on the people that will never be a part of my real life and real world that surrounds me. Every time I wanna keep that promise I fail and my failure is more and more spectacular. Last time, in 2006, I had to wait so long to get what I wanted but this time it was childishly easy. I didn`t even expect that I can make my new dreams come true so quickly and so painlessly as I did. It`s really incredible how I know how my life will be like. I`ll be as pathetic as most of the grannies that are addicted to all those band despite being as old as their mothers. It scares me that I`m so good at making bad things and making my life worse and worse. After some months of hard lessons it`s not even a challenge for me anymore. I simply do it without unnecessary words and explanation. I reach out for the things that most of the girls can only dream about and every time I get what I want I feel more and more sad and I wanna more of those emotions because they are very very addicitve. It`s not fair to live my "real, good" life in fantasy only. It`s not fair to know all those things and to get what I want so easily and after that come back home and miss them more and more... It`s not fair my Lord and you know it ....

It`s not important what you think, want and have
It`s important what WE want and what WE HAVE.

I`m enjoying my new Strify`s hair <333

It`s all happening too fast for me. One day I`m sad and depressed and a few hours later I get one news and another one and I feel like heaven. I was offered a good job in Belgium but I dunno what I should do. Money are good and conditions are good but my French is nowhere. After 5 years of learning the language in high school and at university I can say literally nothing in French and it discourages me from taking a job in Belgium. The Netherlands are closer and English is spoken there which is the best option for me but atm no offers from the Netherlands. Damn. Today are Romeo`s b-day. No one lives here to ge drunk with so I`ll have to wait some time until we meet and celebrate lol Besides, the more Dolly videos I watch, the more I like here and I agree with her. If I was in her shoes I`d be the biggest bitch possible to all the people and the fans in general. She has all what a fangirl can have - Yu LOL I can wait to litening to Toyz gods but I`ll have to wait till October to get the cd when I`m in Germany for CB gigs. Yesterday I had a dream about CB. I met them in the hotel or sth like that I got autographs and I took pics of myself Kiro and Strify. It was so realistic. Too bad it was only a dream but maybe I`ll win meet and greet or sth or I`ll manage to meet them in front/back of the venue one day. That would be cool. In the meantime,I`m planning my further education. If I don`t go abroad I must either do MA`s degree or go to vocational college due to increasing unemployment in Poland. How much I love this country and the crisis thing... Jesus.Btw, the first son of my uncle is palnned to be named Jesus haha. But in the States all is possible xD